I’m so waiting to snap back to “me” again. I’m so impatient to announce that this May will be the third and the last one in my imprisonment of the soul. I suffered so much, it's time to drop those chains and stones from my shoulders.
I am much better through the days. I still have the nightmares and flashbacks, however. Last morning I woke up sweaty, and the story was one where 2 people, their families and stories had become one: my very first innocent love and the last one, where the boy did not even feel like eating dirt when lying about how he felt about me for years. So I woke up and a wave of no longer knowing who was who, and how old I was hit me. Such an unpleasant experience.
But I am really really really close to that snapping point. Particularly because so many people have been kind to me, and every day is a manifestation of that. Everyday someone shines with compassion, understanding, and care. I need them, so very much. Every little bit counts. It might be I will trust again, one day. I might trust so much that I will allow myself to love. And then I promise I will give much more than I am capable of now - back to the community.
