Today really made me look for a curl-up and cry-perfect experience. I suffocated my impulses and instincts, I sat on my arms, I DID NOT DO WHAT I WANTED TO DO THE MOST. For one day today, I am so, so deeply unhappy, upset, judged, devalued. Not my doing. The important is that I did nothing to make it worse. I did not inquire, nor did I tease, nor think of a sweet way to have my foot in between the door. I completely accept me. And therefore there is no place for acting out. No place for pleading. I wish I had this wisdom of life six years ago.
Can't remember who, most probably that lousy penpal with a Najad boat, had once blogged that "Shall We Dance" (2004) was a poor rerun of a classic movie. Which resulted in me never watching it.
Today I did. Damn it it was good!
"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet ... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things ... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."
Never think that what you do does not affect lives of other people. This should be enough to unsettle you. But if you aspire for your life to not become unnoticed, then dance, love, work, and, damn it, try your best to find, keep, and cherish the one witness. Or, much better, start with that.
